Anyone can use any of these quotes and adapt them to specific situations that they encounter.

Be advised that you do so at your own risk. I compiled them from many sources.

If you use any of them I am DEFINITELY not liable for any consequences that may befall you.

1. There’s nothing wrong with him that making him try to see reason won’t make worse.

2. He thinks the whole world is against hi. That’s the only thing him and the world see eye to eye.

3. He boasts that he has the manners of a gentleman. He doesn’t say whose they are.

4. I can see that you have rare talent. You don’t just take pains with everything you do – you share them with everyone else.

5. You may not have many faults – you certainly make the most of the ones you have.

I remember someone once telling you to be yourself. That’s the worse piece of advice you ever had.

6. He is the sort of male that sows wild oats in the vain hope that the crop will always fail.

7. I am not denying that women are foolish. God Almighty made them to match men.

8. He claims he never made a mistake – but his wife certainly did.

9. They are such a strong willed couple – He has the courage of her convictions

10. He always accuses her of having the last word because every time they have an argument words fail him.

11. A mother takes twenty one years to make a man of her boy and all it takes for another woman is twenty minutes to make a fool of him

12. He married her for looks but definitely not the ones she gives him now.

13. The ego centric, proud, arrogant and pompous man said to his humble visitor as he guided him through his house – That is the picture of Jesus Christ when he was hanged and on his left is a picture of my very wealthy great great grandfather and on his right is my very famous grandfather – The humble man said – I humbly thank you for the valuable information - I was told and believe that Jesus Christ was hanged between two thieves but I never knew who they were until now.

14. He is the sort of politician that you can rely on to lay down your life for his country

15. He is the perfect liberal politician – he will do anything for the workers except become one of them

16. A film actress who tried to grab publicity by wearing skimpy clothes and often had plastic surgery to “enhance” her appearance, complained very bitterly to all who would listen to her, including an Admiral of the navy,  that she was being ignored and that the media were against her and the final straw was when she heard a certain man call her a whore. The admiral said: Madam, several years have passed since I was on a ship but people still call me Admiral.

17. The only original thing about some men is original sin

18. Jealous woman to her “friend” if that is mink you are wearing there are a lot of rabbits living under assumed names.

18. It cost them a fortune to dig up their family tree and it’s costing them even more trying to bury it again.

19. to an arrogant and malevolent man: Don’t tell me…I know who you are…you must be the reason for contraception

20. If I said anything to insult you believe me I tried my utmost believe me.

21. I hear you have been down with the bug – I am very surprised it even had a chance…

22. To the man who thinks he is always right – Would you mind telling me whets on your mind – if you will excuse the exaggeration?

23. The nearest he will get to a brain storm is a very very slight drizzle….

24. You can see that he’s at his wits end – You can see that it has not taken him long to get there either

25. If only you would use your brains a little more you could honestly call yourself a half wit.

26. He is the sort of politician that shakes your hand before the election and your confidence afterwards.

27. God gave you a nose so that you can keep your mouth closed

28. I know that you are not two faced in spite of what so many people say about you, if you were why on earth would you be wearing that one?

29. Yes he is certainly very forceful, he bounces back almost as quickly as his cheques

30. You can always pick him out easily at any party. When you see two people one talking and the other looking very bored, he is the talker.

31. He is the sort of host who not only makes his guests feel they are at home, but makes them wish they were there too

32. Apparently the understudy had to leave very early because of her throat. Somebody threatened to cut it.

33. She is the sort of woman who understands perfectly how to make feminine capital out of masculine interest.

34. He is the type of man who is born with the gift of the grab

35. The only way to describe her is fair to meddling

36. Poor girl the only man she has ever had at her feet is a chiropodist

37. He was my ideal before we got married; now he is my ordeal

38. Their romance started out as puppy love – but it went to the dogs a long time ago

39. It was very graceful and benevolent for God to allow Jim and Jane to marry each other – and so make two people miserable instead of four.

40. He is the type of husband that forgets his wife’s birthday and yet always remembers her age.

41. When a young lawyer asked a learned and well respected judge what was the worst penalty for bigamy – the judge replied very swiftly – Two mothers in law

42. When I asked if she was free that evening – I did not expect her to reply no but I am reasonable!

43. A heckler at a meeting kept on making a noise to disturb the speaker and finally shouted = Madam how many toes does a pig have on its foot – The speaker replied without missing a beat – Take off your boots man – and count for yourself ---The heckler was not heard again during the meeting.

44. I agree with you success has turned his head – it’s just a pity it did not finish the job and wring his neck

45. If her nose was turned up any more, she would blow off her hat every time she sneezed

46. When an arrogant and boastful man kept on saying to anyone that would listen to him that he was a self made man – a meek man said. I am glad to hear of it sir: - that relieves Almighty of a very great responsibility.

47. I would be a millionaire if I could buy him for what I think of him and sell him for what he thinks of himself.

48. You would think that such a little mind would be very lonely in such a huge head.

49. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves

50. Forgiveness: a strategy to throw an offender off his guard so as to catch him red handed in his next offence

51. Resolute: Obstinate in a course that we approve

52. Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others

53. Incompatibility: In a marriage a similarity of tastes particularly the taste for domination

54. When there is no more to be said on a subject, you can be sure he will still be saying it.